Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Bachelor Chef Insults Three Countries at Once, and Likes It

Bought me some meatless soy Chorizo
Thinking it was a veggie form of a kielbasa
Looking forward to having this tasty treat
Fried up proper in a skillet of kraut.

Fake meat choices are so few to the heretics
Choosing not to eat animals any longer but still
Yearn the flavor and texture and of course-those
Proteins do come in handy now and zen.

So comes the time to prepare the dish, I’m hungry for.
After freeing the generous link from its plastic prison,
Proceed to slice the solitary soy veggie punishment,
Notice that the casing is plastic and must be removed.

Without its barrier protection, the fake meat is limp,
Powerless to hold the shape of a façade slice, so I look
Again at the packaging and discover that this Chorizo
Is a Mexican sausage designed to be crumbled and fried.

I do just that, after browning the soy sausage to rich
Fake brown I add the can of kraut to my international
Concoction and wonder if this recipe is approved by
The United Nations Security Council or PETA.

Feeling quite the jetsetter for creating this entrée
Possibly enjoyed only by those whose love craving
For this type of food dare not speak its name,
I decide that it looks good, smells good, is done.

Upon heaping a generous portion into the dinner plate
Already inhabited by a wedge of fresh cornbread,
I chow down this exotic conglomeration of mine
In front of the TV, an apropos venue seemingly.

Dinner theater-a politician giving a live/prepared speech.
His every smile looks oddly forced, foreign, almost scary.
Resembles electro shock method used to make Mr. Ed
Appear to be a talking horse on the old 60s TV show.

My meal is delicious and I decide that somehow I
Lucked out on this unknown zone confabulation, will
Have it again, so good and agreeable is the flavor.
I solemnly dub this recipe “Guadalajara Goulash.”

The politician keeps grimacing into those eerie smiles
And I realize creepily that when he shows his teeth
It looks very frightening and suggests that he would
Like either to eat some GG with me, or perhaps just me.

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